I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
