if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
