you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
