Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
