I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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