R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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