you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
