wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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