Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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