so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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