Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
