So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
