Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
