Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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