Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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