all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
