Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
