I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
