She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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