Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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