Sorry, I don't speak sober.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
