North Korea, Best Korea!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
