so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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