Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
