Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
