Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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