Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
