Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hippo gnu deer
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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