yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
