Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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