What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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