"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
