I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
