life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
