I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
