I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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