Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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