I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
