I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
