I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
