What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
