Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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