Christians are straight up FREAKS
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
