My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
