her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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