The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
