There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
