The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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