What a fucking waste of an outfit
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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