sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Where is the hickey?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
