All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
the liver wants what the liver wants
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
