i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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