wrigley field is MILF paradise
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
